Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
