last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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