Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
