I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
