i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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