im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
