i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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