I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sex in a hospital.. check
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
