yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
