I can text with my tongue
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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