I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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