Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
