I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
