Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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