Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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