Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
