So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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