I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
