i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
