I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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