I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
