So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
