I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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