my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
