she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
