So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
