new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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