I can't breathe out the right side of my face
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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