how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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