READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
