soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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