I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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