Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize