how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
