Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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