Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
