Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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