I'm eating all of the evidence.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
