Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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