I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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