Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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