then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
