It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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