he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
