i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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