so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
