fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
