he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
