My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
