i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
