I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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