chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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