You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were trust falling into bushes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
